Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
