would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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