she pinky promised me she was 18
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
