I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry about my life...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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