no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
