Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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