so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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