its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
