We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
