Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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