just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
