Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
