are you still at the devil's house?
That's intense
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
