____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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