my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize