That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
