It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
