Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
