May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
