I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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