Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
