i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
