well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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