Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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