the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
