I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
