Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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