I met the friendliest cop last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize