Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
