I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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