i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
