shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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