Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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