But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
