when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are two peas in an std pod
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
