This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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