Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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