New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
