hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
