And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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