i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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