those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
