No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
