he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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