In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
