Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
