It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
