btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
