Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
