hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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