i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
