so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
MIDGETS
????
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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