I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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