I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
