so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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