I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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