I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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