just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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