Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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