just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
only if we run a train.
done.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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