swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Text me some of your sweat
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