So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
