So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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