you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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