Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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